My first journal entry here and it's an awful one. I SHOULD be writing this in my LiveJournal, which is less public, but I guessed I had to write something here one day or another.
Today is one of the worst days of my life.
Yes, everyone says that and it's WAY overused, but today can only be described at SUCKY and not even the Annual Book Fair today could get my mind off my troubles. And you know what my troubles are? PE. Physical Education. Gym. Health. Whatever you call it, I hate it.
We did Archery today. I did archery last year, and I wasn't good. No one was. Well, this year apparently everyone's good except me. I have the armstength to pull the bow back, I'm leanring not to torc my fingers, I'm using the right fingers, I'm not dropping my arrow as much.... my problem is my aim. Whenever I shoo my bow seems to go up, so the arrow flys over the target instead of into it. As a result, the first four times I shot, I didn't get a single hit. Everyone elese, even my friends that claim to be 'unathletic' got their arrows to hit the targets. Sierra took archery a long time ago, so naturally she got most of em to hit the target, and she's the only one who really supported me, Calmly she told me from the bleachers "Try not to lock your elbow too much, or the string's pinch your arm when you shoot.... concentrate, like basketball.... you're doing terrific, it's just your aim you need to work on..."
That stuff encouraged me. I ignored Ashley, who was supposed to be my friend, and kept shooting rude remarks at me. I still didn't hit the target.
Now, that doesn't seem so bad. I'm used to being picked last for a team, looking dorky in my gym clothes, never having any skill whatsoever... but before I go on, let me introduce a character I have the misfortune of meeting in my life, and her name is Britney. She's overweight, hideously ugly, (harsh, but it's true) and is picked on a lot because of her AWFUL clothes. She's not an athlete either, and only his the target one, near the outer edge. So when I sat down on the bleachers, wishing the day would just hurry up and END FOR THE LOVE OF GOD she looked up at me and smiled that ugly, false-sweetness smile and said 'Gee, I did better than you ever will!"
I. Felt. Like. I. Was. Going. To. Go. FreddyvsJason. On. Her. And. CRY. While. Doing. It.
So, I returned to the locker room, the small self confidence I have ever managed to scrape up in my short life involving athletics had shattered pieces, like my mom's cofee mug that fell off the counter and broke into a billion pieces on the kitchen floor.
I was so mad and depressed and hurt all at once that I decided not to eat lunch, which happenes about every other day, and Kitty yells at me for it. But she never has to worry about being picked last for the team. Or being called goth, with her long blonde hair and lbue eyes. She'll never be physically unhealthy.
Y'know, it's one thing to suck at something, and that's OK. I sucked at basketball, but lately I've been getting more baskets, which was good, until my fragile self esteem got broken today. But it's another thing to know that for the rest of your childhood you'll be like that. I HATE getting teased on the bus for never going outside to play football with the boys. But ehy can't they accept that I don't WANT to go outside and play football?!
I've ALWAYS been slow, and had horrible skills unless it involved hitting a ball with a bat or kicking someone, which I don't even have a reputation for, considering everyone things I'm too smart and weak to kick properly. The reason? I'm scared. I don't WANT to fight or be beat up. My karate skills are rusty but I still have them, like when Skittles kept bugging the craps out of me after PE and I finally blew my top and smacked her in the head. And then I smacked Kyle in the head, and he didn't even do anything. Poor kid ;_;
So, now that I've read Raven's DA journal, I feel awful for complaining so much. The LAST thing people want to hear is my whining and complaining, because everyone has their own problems, so after a day or so I'll prolly delete this for the love of mankind.
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